Dear friends,
I’ve been mulling over the meaning of Success these last few weeks as my son journeyed towards completing his time at prep school last Friday. There has been one competitive event after the other, culminating with the grand ‘prize giving’ on Speech Day. The children have had to really manage their feelings as they worried, first about common entrance exams and whether they would get the ‘good enough’ grades to enter their chosen senior schools, or if they would be recognised for any of their achievements even though they might not be the greatest academic. There are always the children who get all the prizes and glory which is usually well deserved but how does this affect the ones who struggle within the narrow confines of our English education system?
In the dictionary, Success is defined as:
1. The achievement of something planned or attempted
2. Impressive achievement, especially the attainment of fame, wealth, or power
3. Something that turns out as planned or intended
4. Somebody who is wealthy, famous, or powerful because of a record of achievement
In my experience, numbers two and four are the definitions we align to when it comes to success which is set up from day one. I will give you a brief summary of all the areas of available successes at my son’s school.
All year they have been gearing up to their big common entrance exams which are foundation GCSE level in ALL subjects and pretty difficult. However, there are papers one which are worded a little easier than papers two and depending on your academic ability, you can do either paper. So you could do really well in a paper one but not feel good because it is not a paper two! Then there are the scholarships awarded to the good ones. In the last few weeks it has been athletics season, so there have been many competitive sports events which enable the ‘good’ children to compete at the IAPS regional athletics trials. Now if you are really ‘good’ you can make it to the Nationals! There is sports day, a highly competitive experience and prize giving on the second to last day and finally the grand finale where the children receive all sorts of prizes for their ‘achievements’. There are always children who don’t get the prize or get a lesser prize than their peers.
My point is that not all children are the same. Not all children develop at the same rate. A child who is less academically able at the age of 12/13 years will not necessarily remain that way all his life or not ‘achieve’ the same ‘fame, power or wealth’ as a child who received all the prizes now. They may not be into sport at the top level, they may not play an instrument or they may not have opened up to their drama potential… and as for art… if you are not scholarship level then you are considered rubbish at art! I’m shifting uncomfortably in my seat as I write that sentence. I know this last fact is true because everyone who comes for art therapy with me says shamefully ‘I’m no good at art… I was no good at art at school’. I nearly self combust when I hear this because EVERYONE can do art, art it is for everyone! It is school that has created this mindset because our inherent creativity is marked as good, mediocre or bad by a teacher and system who has the subjective power to say whether a child at the age of 12/13 is ‘good enough’ at art!!! This lasts a lifetime! My heart aches for all the children who have internalised the feeling of not being quite good enough due to our over testing system. I hear many people protest that life is about the survival of the fittest and if you do well why not be recognised for it. I agree to a degree. By seducing our children to only feel valued if they get the prize, that they have to be hungry for the prize in the first place and not settle for anything less, can only set them up for disappointment and failure.
Why don’t we instil in our children that Success is ‘something that turns out as planned or intended’? That you are successful just because you did something that turned out as you had planned or intended? To be acknowledge for the really small successes and not to dwell on failures but rather see them as learning opportunities. Or how to educate children to love learning as opposed to regurgitating facts.
I think ALL the children leaving school with my son are Successful in their own unique way and what they can do or not do now has little bearing on what they will achieve later in life if they desire. Encouraging children to follow their heart will go a long way. For example my son said he loves writing now and maybe he would study English at university and would he be able to write a book? OF COURSE is my answer! You can do ANYTHING if you put your mind to it and want to do it badly enough… there is always a way, even if it doesn’t look the way you want it to look. Let us remove any walls that may hinder our children reaching for the stars in their own unique way and following their bliss.
Go forth and believe in yourself because YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Have a great week in all your successes, however big or small.
Much love,
Alex xx
Alex Florschutz
