That is quite a big statement but for me that is how it felt…
I had just turned 30 and split up with my big love, or so I thought. It was one of those ‘turning points’ in life and little did I know what was round the corner. I lived and worked in London and struggled being an artist but had just been for a month to Bali. My sister had told me about this wonderful town in Bali inhabited by artists of all disciplines and given me a lonely planet book. The pictures of Bali were the exact images of daydreams I had as a child. So when I arrived on that day in 1998 I felt I had come home. After this first trip I returned to England and sold my flat and in less than 3 months I was back in Bali!
I lived like a goddess and painted to my heart’s content. My creativity flourished and before long I had created a large body of work and had my first exhibition (in Bali) which was received brilliantly. Artists and creativity are revered in Bali; it is the foundation of their culture. There is nothing more satisfying than being respected, encouraged and celebrated for your creative achievements, to fulfill your desires. I thought my dream had come true – this was it. I then met the next ‘man of my dreams’! He was a tall, dark and handsome Balinese man who literally whisked me off my feet. The whirlwind romance was the talk of the town and we had the most stunning, exciting, extraordinary wedding imaginable. My husband was desperate to have a child with me and I became pregnant very quickly. This felt totally right as I was surrounded by incredibly positive energy that celebrated pregnancy, birth and motherhood as a valued achievement. On a deep level this tapped into the core of my feminine being or gender and my unconscious desire to have children and be respected for this role. I had not experienced this feeling in the West and I think that is why many women are attracted to the feminine energy of Bali and create children there so easily.
Moonlight Magic (painting and poem by Alex Florschutz)
My book reveals the deeper experience of my relationship to Bali and why it was so important in my journey towards creating a conscious birth experience in the West.
I spent the first six months of my pregnancy in Bali but then returned to the UK for the last three months and beyond. In Bali I felt confident being pregnant and believed it was a natural process and what a woman was designed to do and never once thought it could be anything other. When I returned to the UK I was met by a completely different picture, one of fear, danger and an overriding medical profession who were clearly ‘in charge’! Let me stress that I am extremely grateful for our competent and free NHS support and the amazing work the medical professions do to save lives. However, there is a loud and clear message that says pregnancy and birth is under the management of the medical establishment and the power not really in the hands of the woman. We experience this in the ether, we see it in the way the media portrays birth in an often very unrealistic way, we always hear a horror story and therefore surrounded by a more challenging picture rather than an empowered picture of birth.
I felt that I needed to reclaim my conscious relationship to this important event – a rite of passage that women are blessed to experience. (Men have their own rite of passage which is also very important when their child is born). Bali elicited a more naive trust especially being held by the culture and community whereas in the West there is much more consciousness about the possible dangers, we have a lot of information and this can be good and also induce fear. So I went on a quest to find a more holistic approach which combined all the different information but also found a way back to trusting myself and my body’s natural ability to birth a baby. I did this by overcoming newly emerged fears and thus freeing the way to birthing without the need to be worrying about suppressing unnecessary worries or issues. And let me say that I thought I’d dealt with much of my previous baggage but once I was pregnant new things popped up especially whether my body could actually get a baby OUT!
Having had a conscious birth in my own home without drugs or interventions of any kind, I was able to connect with my baby during the labour and work as a team to support his entrance into this world. It was truly AMAZING! It allowed me to get on with the task of being a mother without having to recover from a traumatic experience for which I am deeply grateful. Navigating the road of being a new mother is quite enough to be getting on with! I don’t think my birth experience was incidental because I had to work through many fears, unhelpful thought patterns and find my own inner strength and self belief beforehand. I wasn’t unique or special in any way and that is why I believe everyone can work towards a more conscious positive experience however the birth outcome appears. If I have more children, I would do the same inner work as I know there would be newly emerged thought patterns or issues that could potentially inhibit my flow and would not take for granted my first experience.
One of the most helpful forms of self discovery was being creative especially with my art and I found it was very compatible to the whole process of pregnancy and birth….
Although I will tell you more about this next week!
Let’s unlock the creative genius which is in EVERYONE of you!
Have a great week.
Much love,
Alex xx
