‘Endings’ – Blog 26

Dear friends,

Today, I am writing this blog from the gallery where I am showing my art work in a group exhibition with my local art group. As I look around the room at all the beautiful art, I am struck by the eclectic mixture of energy and embodied emotions infused in the art. Every human being has different feelings and ways of expressing them which gives us our individuality. It reminds me of my son, who is in year 8 and preparing to leave his prep school where all the children are contemplating the ‘end’ of an important period in their life. Emotions are running high and they seem to be trying to fit in as much as possible before their friends disperse for the summer and all find their new beginnings in their secondary school in September.

The idea of ‘endings’ is something we work with in therapy because there are many people who have experienced difficult endings in their life which can also bring up feelings of loss and grief. This original experience can be activated in future endings, causing similar feelings to emerge. If a person is allowed to ‘complete’ something, whether this is ending school, a relationship, work, etc, it will enable them to close that chapter and start a new phase without hanging on to the previous phase. When an ending is looming, these feelings can surface. ‘An ending experienced as a loss may leave the client feeling bereft, vulnerable or needy’ (Edward, D 2004). This is why it is really important to approach an ‘ending’ consciously in order to ensure a positive completion process takes place. Then a person can continue with a sense of freedom. Similarly, being aware of all the feelings that emerge in the weeks leading up to a big ending will help you to understand what is going on. Ask yourself if there have been times in your life where an ending happened prematurely or broke down in some way? Next time you travel towards an ending, be aware of this earlier experience or find someone to support you during this process.

I have experienced traumatic endings and I have been aware of my own process as my son prepares to leave his school. Spontaneous tears for no apparent reason, a feeling of rejection or that I will be abandoned. I am aware of the link to my past and I am not running away or suppressing these feelings but rather I’m facing them head on and being gentle with myself. Nowadays I am a big fan of celebrating endings and even though I may experience a kind of historical pain, I endeavour to face the end with a feeling of gratitude and excitement for the next chapter.

Exercise:

Sit quietly and contemplate a time in your life when something came to an end. This could be leaving school, leaving home, university, a job, a relationship, a marriage, your child leaving home, etc.

Tune into the feelings that emerge. Remember your body is safe with all your feelings.

If you have any art materials, some paper or a journal, make some images, doodles or write about what is coming up for you.

How are you feeling?
Are there any new insights?
Be gentle with yourself and don’t judge how you are feeling or what you have draw or written. Know that you are surrounded by love and support.

Have a wonderful week.

Warm wishes,
Alex xx