Dear friends,
I have been inspired to write in response to a news item this week. It triggered me to say the least and it wasn’t really about the topic they were discussing but the underlying message. I am not going to go into this topic as it is somewhat irrelevant for this article but it has to do with valuing the role of the parent and in this news item, the ‘stay at home mum’ was seemingly under attack once again versus the incredibly important role of the working mother.
I am not against women who want, or have, to work. I am not against women having careers, feeling fulfilled by making important contributions to the economy, world initiatives or forwarding their own education. What I take umbrage over is the fact that it is basically a cultural norm to value work or career over being a mother or parent. The government has been urging women back to work after having a baby, and making it easier for us by offering support with childcare and so on. This sounds great and to many women it is a god send although one can work really hard only to pay most of it on childcare costs, so a little help is welcomed. However, they are only ushering us back to work, not to necessarily help us further our careers but rather to boost the economy, the employment statistics, or for other ulterior motives. It is not because they necessarily respect our contribution or want us to have equal opportunities. I am fully aware that the cost of living is very high and often both parents have to work, there is not much choice, and therefore any assistance with childcare costs is gratefully received. I also think it is very healthy for women to earn their own money so they are not completely dependent on their partner. I am an artist, author and therapist who has chosen to work at home around my son’s schedule, so I get to do both. In recent years the government has talked about the importance of the family unit and how it benefits our children and yet we are continually urged to leave our children with other people who do not have the same love and connection than the mother (or father). It is impossible for a nursery to foster that deep intimacy with a very young child or baby.
I have always found it astonishing that society gets so brainwashed by the powers that be. Feminism quite rightly has and is still campaigning for the equal rights of women and for their right to make choices that suit the individual. Also, I am not for one minute disrespecting this or suggesting women reverse and only stay at home but I so often hear from working women a scathing tone in their voice when they talk about ‘stay at home mums’. It is as though they assume that being a mother is an easy cop out than working and ‘it’s alright for you staying at home doing nothing while I work hard’ mentality. Just as women have the right to go back to work and have a career and children, so can women choose to stay at home and raise their own children without being looked down upon. I have often been asked what I do and when I reply that I’m a mother (first and foremost), the eyes glaze over because we define people by their job (however mundane) rather than elevating the role of the parent to the most important job in the world, as we are raising the future generation. This also applies to fathers who wish to stay at home and be near their children, whether he stays at home and his partner goes out to work or he works from home. Raising children should be encouraged towards a more respected status. Parenting is undeniably hard work but its rewards far out way the effort it requires and I hope we can begin to acknowledge the emotional impact leaving our baby, toddler or young child in the care of strangers has on her (it is slightly different leaving them with family members) and try and work around them or share the parenting role. What is the point of having children if we let other people raise them for us? Perhaps my next article could be about how to enjoy parenting once again in these challenging times and not get overwhelmed by the obstacles we face as we try and protect our children from the impact of modern influences. Children need our presence more than before so let us honour them by giving them our time.
Wishing you a wonderful week.
Warm wishes,
Alex xx
