27 May 2013

A Reflection on Mothering – Blog Twenty Three

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Dear Friends,

Welcome to my Monday blog on this Bank Holiday. The sun is out and the trees are abundant with green leaves. All is well and yet I feel somewhat nostalgic. In the other room, bent over his desk and trying to focus, is my boy revising for his exams next week. The reason why I feel like this is because all those years ago I brought this lovely boy into the world, have cared for him, fed him, loved him, got exasperated with him and tried to set an example worth following. Even though he is much more independent now, a young teen with all of life’s highs and lows in front of him, he still needs support. It is an important time of transition from child to teen and the onset of puberty where there is a natural breaking away from the maternal influence. I sometimes feel it is like walking on egg shells, one minute he adores me, the other I have clearly got it wrong! Even though I cannot do the revision for him, nor would I want to as this is his process, I can still be there in other ways. For example, apart from being very patient and non reactive, I make sure I make him good food throughout the day, plenty of water, nice snacks and time to rest. I am available in the wings, present in my consciousness but not in his face. It makes me think of his birth, four hours of intensity followed by a lifetime of always being there with open arms trusting his journey.

I have just made him some flapjacks (granola bars), using coconut palm sugar made from coconut blossom nectar (a natural sugar), butter (one can also use coconut oil), nuts, oats, coconut and love. I have also made him a fruit smoothy. I am so impressed by his organised method of revision and has made me realise that giving a child freedom within a holding container (and by that I mean my energetic boundaries that help him feel safe and secure without being controlling) has somehow allowed him to step up to the mark when it is required. He knows what he has to do and we have discussed how he is going to go about it. He feels in control and a master of his own destiny. I am there to answer any questions which may arise and fuel the fire of his appetite when it is desired.

I came up against a fair bit of criticism and doubt when I was pregnant and decided to have my son at home and refrain from intrusive procedures. I breast fed for two years, co-slept with him for the first few years and let him sleep in my room until he felt like sleeping in his own room (not that long ago actually) and allowed him the freedom of self expression. These choices were not the norm and in more recent years are referred to as ‘attachment parenting’. I think I will say more about attachment parenting next week. The greatest concern from ‘other people’ was that my son would grow up without independence and always cling to my apron strings (not that I wear aprons!) 🙂 This week has been a good example of how, given the chance, a child grows up in their own time and each child grows at a different pace. By trusting in our child and allowing them to blossom in their own time, we will discover that they hold all the wisdom to navigate their way in the world and we, as parents, can be the co-pilot on their journey.

Have a wonderful week.

Warm wishes,
Alex xx

Jude (my son)Jude (my son)

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